Tuesday, January 31, 2017


A hand-man/woman’s guide to maintaining and enriching a roommate relationship.

They say necessity is the mother of invention. I have learned that moving in with someone out of necessity as a roommate requires a lot of skillful flexibility. I moved in with a man whose health was deteriorating who I did not know well, and yet we have both learned how to get along and keep our friendship intact. I realize that if people in a marriage could apply what we have learned to apply, a relationship might endure.
My roommate and I endured a terrible landlord, floods, no heat and more. We also endured two very different distinct personalities. He is a serious introvert and a sit-in. I am active and a talker. What we have both learned is how to teach one another some survival relationship skills: give space, say hello, compromise on the bathroom, and share the cleaning load, and most of all do not take the other person’s lack of tact or poor habits to heart: laugh, laugh laugh. Use humour to help the person change bad habits. Set the example as well, and verbalize how you have contributed to cleanliness. let them know, you get tired as well. You are grateful  to him/her if she/he would split the burdens/load.

Assume and be proactive in good will intentions from yourself and the other.
If the other keeps on misbehaving in a  truly disrespectful way, call him or her out on it. Let them know that if it happens "one more time", it will be seriously handled. Make a list of changes needed for both of you. This objectifies the issues more.
Most of all, realize that we all live in our heads, and a lot of the times, we fog out on the other. These magic words have worked for us: kindness and thank you: say "thank you" even for little deeds, such as the other washing a spoon YOU used. BE KIND, EXERT PATIENCE! and try to make the other one laugh. NEVER MOVE IN WITH A STINGY PERSON. DO NOT NAG! Do not be nosy either.
Tell the other you appreciate it when he or she allows you to have an off day, but let the other one know, you are not going to be up to par that day.
SHARE SHARE SHARE in different ways. You may share your news for the day. The other may share his/her time to help you with something. Compliment when sincere. Accept the fact that you are a being who lives in his/her mind alone, but the times/activities/opinions that you can share are gifts.

Best of all, do not give up. There will be days, when you loathe the person for being massively insensitive. Be humble and honest about 2-way emotions, as anger and frustration work both ways. If you make the other happy, you feel great too. It takes energy and maturity. The pay-off is you  increase your chances of hiaving a  reliable friend for life – even if you move out down the road.

When is it time to call it quits?
Constant aggravations, two days go by without communication due to hurt and you refuse to initiate why you are not talking ot the other, and when you have reached a limit that you have no interest in recharing. You've had enough! 
Here are my top five features that tell you you must move out because the other is doing this:
BEING CONSTANTLY SELFISH, LYING, STEALING, DRINKING AND ENDANGERING YOUR SELF-ESTEEM. Move out, but always leave with calmness; do not insult the other even if you feel he/she needs to hear your invective.  

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